love
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Dear Ave, How are you? It’s been a while. I know you’re in a different state now, probably unable ever to answer that question I just asked but I still ask it like a fool. And I wish you are happy, or whatever it is you’re supposed to be when you’ve gone over the other…
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Dear Ave, It’s 20 to 1am on a September evening. It’s been a rainy September so far. How are you? I want to ask but I know it’s silly of me to ask this. But I have this feeling in my gut that you are somewhere still. Because you are. You were alive, and you…
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Dear Ave, Almost the end of May. Sitting in a coffeeshop in Kemptown called Marmalade. Off today. Went to my diabetes appointment this morning and they weighed me and I’m still 80kg. Still need to lose that 10kg I’ve been wanting to lose for years. Still need to learn how to drive. Still need to…
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Dear Ave, How are you ma? I seem to be swinging between days of self sabotage and days of productivity. Yesterday I didn’t do any exercise. Worse, I ordered Deliveroo twice and put it on credit card. I didn’t feel especially sad. Just tired and demotivated, and nothing could’ve made me get on the treadmill.…
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Dear Ave, How are you? It’s been a while, Ma. I have at least two drafts that I haven’t been able to publish. My last post is almost 3 months ago. For some reason I couldn’t write anything coherent enough to post. But today, I am sick. It started 2 days ago at work, when…
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Dear Ave, Happy birthday. On your first birthday in heaven, I want to let people know who you are. Mama, you were always smiling. And laughing. and you were soft. You were soft inside and out. Or maybe that’s because you were with Papa, who was the toughest person I’ve ever met. Or so I…
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Dearest Ave, It’s October 1st now. The temperature has dropped in the past week. Its been raining more frequently, and the sun rises later now. I don’t think about you daily anymore. My days are not filled with your memories, voice or longing for you. It’s as if my mind has trained me to forget.…
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I lost a draft, mama. It reminds me of that file I lost back home, on Dichi’s laptop, when I started writing about your plan of care thinking we were going to go home that day. It’s my fault. I didn’t save it. I don’t know why. I started writing about what’s happened since I…
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Dear Ave, I married Tom two days ago, May 4, 2024. It was at Nymans National Trust Garden, where I’d always wanted to marry him. We had our first kiss there. That place is unbelievably beautiful. You told Tom in August 2022, just after you’d started your chemo: “Please look after my daughter for me.”…
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Dear Ave, I went home to see you, but I didn’t expect to leave with you gone. So many things happened in the last weeks of your life. All I can write about is what happened with us. And I’m not ready to write about all of it. But there are things that I never…
Dear Avelina Love Hershey 