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Dearest Ave, It’s October 1st now. The temperature has dropped in the past week. Its been raining more frequently, and the sun rises later now. I don’t think about you daily anymore. My days are not filled with your memories, voice or longing for you. It’s as if my mind has trained me to forget.…
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Dear Ave, All I’ve done for the past 3 months is go to work, read, and eat. Snuggling beside Tom at night and waking up naturally on my days off is my life’s ultimate pleasure these days. I have eaten more and more carbs and slept so much more and have dreamt to many things.…
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Dear Ave, Life goes on. But it feels empty and void of something to look forward to. I have regressed to stress/emotional eating and my days off sees me ordering frood from Deliveroo and watching Netflix/ reading a book, having a nap in the afternoon, having dinner, sleeping. I don’t go out much. I try…
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I lost a draft, mama. It reminds me of that file I lost back home, on Dichi’s laptop, when I started writing about your plan of care thinking we were going to go home that day. It’s my fault. I didn’t save it. I don’t know why. I started writing about what’s happened since I…
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Dear Ave, I married Tom two days ago, May 4, 2024. It was at Nymans National Trust Garden, where I’d always wanted to marry him. We had our first kiss there. That place is unbelievably beautiful. You told Tom in August 2022, just after you’d started your chemo: “Please look after my daughter for me.”…
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Dear Ave, I miss you so much. I wish you didn’t die. That you’re still here with me. I returned to work on Thursday and felt quite dizzy, I think it’s my body adjusting back to work again. Or it could be the amount of blood pressure pills I am on. I was walking home…
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Dear Ave, I saw you go. The weeks in hospital, I knew there was a chance you weren’t going to make it. I told my siblings, I spoke to the doctors. And the last two days of your life, when you turned for the worse, I saw your death process. I saw your skin become…
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Dear Ave, I went home to see you, but I didn’t expect to leave with you gone. So many things happened in the last weeks of your life. All I can write about is what happened with us. And I’m not ready to write about all of it. But there are things that I never…
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Dear Ave, Before I was anything, I was your daughter. You are the beginning, middle and the end of me. I do not understand a world without you in it, because I have never known a world without you in it. Losing you feels like I have been ripped apart. The world is cruel to…
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Dear Ave, You died around 2:40pm on a Friday afternoon, a day before Chinese New Year. I do not remember the weather, even though everyday that we were in hospital I would lift up the blinds and look out. I remember mostly sunny days while we were there. I think it was sunny too when…
Dear Avelina Love Hershey 