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Dear Ave, How are you? It’s been a while. I know you’re in a different state now, probably unable ever to answer that question I just asked but I still ask it like a fool. And I wish you are happy, or whatever it is you’re supposed to be when you’ve gone over the other…
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Dear Ave, It’s 20 to 1am on a September evening. It’s been a rainy September so far. How are you? I want to ask but I know it’s silly of me to ask this. But I have this feeling in my gut that you are somewhere still. Because you are. You were alive, and you…
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Dear Ave, 30th July. I think about it. Had a bad dream today. A sibling beating someone up at home- a woman, I don’t know who. Woke up with my heart pounding in my chest. I cry for my childhood, for my family, myself, my brothers and sisters who do not know how to love…
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Dear Ave, Yesterday I dreamt that I was hospital, feeling short of breath. As the dream went on, I felt more and more short of breath. Tom has a video of pinching my cheek and nose and me not waking up. I only woke up when he called my name. I was laying on the…
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Dear Ave, Almost the end of May. Sitting in a coffeeshop in Kemptown called Marmalade. Off today. Went to my diabetes appointment this morning and they weighed me and I’m still 80kg. Still need to lose that 10kg I’ve been wanting to lose for years. Still need to learn how to drive. Still need to…
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Dear Ave, How are you ma? I seem to be swinging between days of self sabotage and days of productivity. Yesterday I didn’t do any exercise. Worse, I ordered Deliveroo twice and put it on credit card. I didn’t feel especially sad. Just tired and demotivated, and nothing could’ve made me get on the treadmill.…
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Dear Ave, How are you? It’s been a while, Ma. I have at least two drafts that I haven’t been able to publish. My last post is almost 3 months ago. For some reason I couldn’t write anything coherent enough to post. But today, I am sick. It started 2 days ago at work, when…
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Dear Ave, It’s been 6-7 weeks since I last wrote. I tried to write “How grief feels like during the festive season” but for some reason it’s still sitting on my draft, and I feel like it’s something that I might never finish. January came with its cold chill and I think of you less…
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Dear Ave, This week was weird. I felt like I had been waiting for this week to arrive. Your birthday came, and I busied myself with preparing food offerings. I got some lilies, head-on shrimp, seabass, some nuts, kiwis, a bar of Toblerone for papa, took out the frozen Eng Bee Tin Hopia monggo and…
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Dear Ave, Happy birthday. On your first birthday in heaven, I want to let people know who you are. Mama, you were always smiling. And laughing. and you were soft. You were soft inside and out. Or maybe that’s because you were with Papa, who was the toughest person I’ve ever met. Or so I…
Dear Avelina Love Hershey 