Dear Ave,

I married Tom two days ago, May 4, 2024. It was at Nymans National Trust Garden, where I’d always wanted to marry him. We had our first kiss there. That place is unbelievably beautiful.

You told Tom in August 2022, just after you’d started your chemo: “Please look after my daughter for me.” You were crying, and for once you spoke to Tom fully and in English, not really your chosen language. It was the day we were leaving. I felt like crying too but I brushed it aside. You would survive cancer, stop thinking the worst. Maybe it was I, all along, who was fooling myself.

Tom loves me so much Mama. His love for me has never wavered. The fool actually wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He envisions us growing old together, where he says I’d be one of the grumpy old ladies who shouts at naughty neighbourhood kids while he streaks down the road shouting while naked, being chased by police officers. He makes me laugh. I don’t just love him, I adore him and find him utterly cute, funny and interesting. We love each other, and this is as true as the sky is blue.

The day went so well, Mama. The weather was beautiful; it wasn’t too sunny. It was cloudy and the weather was mild. To me the day was pefect. But I know you already know all of this. Because I know you and Papa were there. And you were there to ensure that the weather was perfect, you were there with me every step of the way, you were there when all those drinks that nearly spilled on my dress didn’t, you were there when the bouquest charms flashed in my eyes as I was getting up from the table after signing the marriage certificate.

I miss you so much Mama. These days I can’t even bear to look at anything that reminds me of you, because the pain would come flooding back and I know it would hurt so much. All throughout the wedding, I didn’t need to think of you and Papa. You made your presence known, without me knowing it.

I love you Mama. I hope you and Papa are happy. We raised £405 + £76.35 Gift Aid for Cancer Research. I walked down the aisle and married the man I love, and I know you and Papa watched me from above. I hope you’re happy and celebrating up there. I will love him during this lifetime Mama, and when I die, I will look for you and I will tell you about all the things.